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Connecting with your Subject

July 1st, 2017

Connecting with your Subject

Throughout my photographic journey, I've come to realize, as everyone else who makes art realizes, I connect with some subjects and not with others. I'm partway through the book "The Zen of Creativity" by John Daido Loori and I'm enjoying it very much. His description of connecting with your subject before you shoot it brought very much to the surface what I was trying to do before, but I was previously doing it on a subconscious level.

I'm now consciously developing a relationship with an old dock downtown where I live, along with some old pilings around it. I've shot that dock from every angle I can think of. I have not, however, had enough guts to climb out on the other old dock next to it because even though I can swim, that water is frigid and I don't want to have to replace my camera equipment. Heaven only knows how strong that dock is.

I'm taking photos of this old dock and the one next to it in every season and in every weather condition and the water around them is an entirely different color depending on the time of day. Sometimes the water is green because it's overcast and the algae on the retaining wall and the rocks and the old pilings gives the water its color. When it's afternoon and sunny, the blue sky overcomes much of the green and the water is a beautiful blue. Sometimes the color lies in between. My favorite condition of all, however, is when the old docks and pilings are in dense fog. They seem to be floating in space and are quite other-worldly. The only thing that shatters the silence and peacefulness at the shore in very dense fog is the occasional freighter horn. Trust me, if you don't hear the thing creeping up on you and she sounds that horn while she's going by before you see her, well, you had better not be right at the edge of the dock because you may end up in the water from an involuntary startle response.

But back to my dock, I suppose I should not have favorites, but like Charlie Brown and his Christmas tree, I favor the poor broken dock over his more in-tact cousin. I get more comments and views on the more "perfect" dock, but my poor broken friend gets more of my attention every time I go there.

On a happy note, someone finally bought the historic inn right next to these beautiful old reminders of boating past, and is going to restore it. It has been vacant for a few years and needs some work, but the buyer is supposedly motivated to keep the charm and eventually open it for business again. I will be very happy to see the inn come back to its former glory - it's on the National Register of Historic Places - but I can't help but wonder what he will do with the old docks. Will he have them removed? Will my rickety old friend be taken away and replaced with something shiny and new? People used to dock there on a summer day to eat at the hotel dining room after a day out on the river. Since my friend is broken and unstable, I think he will probably be replaced, but until then I will continue the relationship and when he's gone, at least I will have several portrait of him to remind me of his silent, stately beauty.

The Liberation of Aging

July 1st, 2017

The Liberation of Aging

I am getting older and as any older person can tell you it's quite common to get to a point in your life when you reassess some of the things you have done all your life and finally you say "Why am I doing this?". I Have what a lot of older people have which is a condition whereby my eyes are continually dry. I also have slightly darker skin under my eyes than the rest of my face, which is a family trait. I have for more years than I can count worn cover stick (makeup for under the eyes for you guys out there who are not up on your makeup terminology) and in the last two or three years, I've found that my eyes are sensitive to it and get irritated and even dryer.

Last week I shook off that last holdout of feminine vanity and forsook the cover stick which was the last vestige of makeup I was still wearing. It was liberating. Although I'm not ready to stop wearing a bra in public or stop bathing and washing my hair, I found that nobody ran away from me in horror or stared because I was not wearing cover stick. In fact, I don't look that much different without it unless I've been deprived of sleep for 24 hours, in which case I do look like I have gone a couple of rounds with Mohamed Ali.

The older I get, the less I care what the outside world thinks about me and I'm finding it exhilarating. I have nothing bad to say about older ladies who wear a tasteful amount of makeup, but I see far too many women in their 60s and 70s piling it on thicker every year making a person afraid to give them a kiss on the cheek or a cheek to cheek hug for fear of having to shower afterward. We will not discuss in detail the look of base makeup and powder accumulation in wrinkles (shudder).

Too many "mature" ladies are trying to hold onto their youth and to appear attractive to the opposite sex. I think what they don't realize is if a mature man is attracted to you it has nothing to do with your face (or very little anyway).

My husband has not noticed any difference in my appearance, and, indeed, I've worn less and less makeup every year until last week when I finally started going facially "naked".

Now you many think this blog entry is kind of silly and unimportant in the grander scheme of things, and you would be partly right, but just stop and think for a minute about the stuff that controls you instead of the stuff you control.

I no longer worry about what people think of me when I lie down on the boardwalk by the river in town to take a photo of a dew-draped spider web in fog along the railing.

And I do it now with a naked face.

Rocks and Trees

July 1st, 2017

Rocks and Trees

I'm infatuated with all rocks and trees. I take at least five photographs of trees every time I go out with my camera. The problem comes in when it's time to describe what I've captured. I am botanically stupid. I have tree field guides but some trees look a lot like others and I can't always distinguish. I WANT to study trees - their usual habitats, their characteristics, the varieties around the world, but there's only so much time in the day and I'm still fully employed.

I also never met a rock I didn't like. I have several photos for sale of the beautiful lichen-covered granite in Acadia National Park - images of the stunning red rock formations near Sedona, Arizona and several other rocky locations through the country. I know slightly more about geology than I know about trees simply because geology has always fascinated me and I've actually read more about it.

It's hard when you become fascinated by a subject and you don't have time to study it well. I hate being "outside looking in" so to speak. I want to actually know what I'm talking about. It would be nice to be able to remember everything you read about everything. I could read a field guide one time in that case and actually know what I'm looking at when I'm out in the field.

This is just a small lamentation about what I have not had time to incorporate fully into my life. For now, I will just content myself with capturing the beauty and mystery around me with my camera, and if I live to be 100, perhaps I can squeeze in some learning along the way and have a deeper understanding of what I'm seeing through the viewfinder.

Zen Bunny

July 1st, 2017

Zen Bunny

I have rabbits in my backyard. They live in the foliage under two large pine trees. Occasionally, I see a new group of little bunnies running around and I know Mr. and Mrs. Bunny have a new batch of youngsters.

In the past few months I have noticed a strange phenomenon. One of the adult rabbits will come out of hiding when it rains, pick a spot on the lawn and just sit there for hours. Today he has been sitting under one of my maple trees in the same spot, unmoving for over six hours.

I'm not making this up. He doesn't change locations, he doesn't move his head. The first time he did this, he was laying down in the grass and after a while I was afraid perhaps he had died there, but he eventually moved several hours later.

Today, he is sitting straight and staring into space. I wonder what could be going through that little bunny brain. This is the most Buddha-like rabbit I've ever seen. I have been calling him "Mr. Bunny", but I think it would be more appropriate if I change that to "Zen Bunny".

Maybe we can all take a lesson from Zen Bunny. Just slow down and be "one with the grass" once in a while.

Confessions of an Obsession Part 7

July 1st, 2017

I have not made a blog entry for quite a while now as there has been nothing come to mind that would be interesting to share, but lately I have been falling into a habit that I don’t want to encourage, so I thought I would share it here. The first step to recovery, of course, is to admit that you have a problem. I’ve been sucked in and I really want to stop now. I’m talking, of course, about Youtube videos.

Oh, those cute, funny animal clips! The cockatiel who bops to the music, or the kitty chasing fish on an i-pad, or the mother elephant helping her baby climb a hill. Let’s not forget the stunning surprise singers on Britain’s got talent, or America’s got talent or Japan’s got talent, the X Factor, the Voice, etc……

Lately I’ve found when I’m indecisive about what to do with my day that could generously be called productive, that red and white logo sucks me in and before I know it, I’m watching blooper reels from tv shows that went off the air 20 years ago.

Oh, I’m not saying Youtube is a waste of time. I’m still employed and I find when I’m stuck trying to figure out a function in Excel, for example, Youtube comes in handy because Microsoft Help files are pretty much useless. I also occasionally put in my ear buds and listen to Tibetan singing bowls, or some soothing meditative music while I’m doing something else. However I really have to stop clicking on those videos with titles like “Greatest flash mob ever” or “Child singer shocks judges”. It’s a giant time suck and a black hole - I’ve been in that black hole and emerged several hours later having lost half a day searching for the best, the funniest and the most amazing.

I guess I’ll try to withdraw by picking up that afghan I had been knitting and had set aside for a few months. Knitting has gotten me through a few addiction withdrawals - like those evil sugar-free reese’s peanut butter cups - so maybe it can help me to not type in those seven letters that call me every time I see them promising me that a life-changing experience is just a click away.

The Nighttime Snack

September 25th, 2015

Dreams of horrors death and fear
I don't know why they just appear
I ate too much, I ate too late
Perhaps that served to seal my fate.

From now on, nothing after eight
To eat thereafter is too late
My psyche triggers horror scenes
Of aliens and things obscene

I'd rather dream of art and love
Of grass below and skies above
So I will do the best I know
To keep it light and peaceful so
The aliens will not appear
And give me all this graying hair.

No you cannot use the toaster......

March 8th, 2015

I have a lot of food sensitivities - wheat, corn, soy, oats and almonds are my worst (and caffeine, but I cant talk about that one. Losing caffeine was like the death of a friend - sniff, sniff).

My husband, dear man, is always on the lookout for new and different gluten-free things I can eat and yesterday he came home with a box of quinoa burgers. Basically quinoa with a few other things mixed in formed into the shape of a burger.

Well, I like quinoa, so I decided I would try one for dinner last night. The directions said to run it though the toaster a couple of times, so thats what I did. What they dont tell you is these things completely fall apart when you try to grab them. So half the stupid patty fell into the other toast slot when I tried to lift it out of the toaster. It kept getting worse every time I grabbed at it, so I finally unplugged the toaster and dug what I could out with a fork. I had to dump the rest out of the toaster over the trash can.

You know those kinds of directions when you try to follow them make you say what were they thinking? Yeah, well Im using the microwave next time.

Letter to myself

January 17th, 2015

Remember when you were a child and you visited fantastic cities, countries and even planets? You went wherever you wanted to go. You did whatever you wanted to do. You were a princess or a queen or a famous artist. You had a black belt in Karate and saved people from evil criminals. You and your friends made entire households with chalk on your driveway.

Every flower was a fascination. You explored it in detail. You followed every vein in every leaf. Frost on your window in the winter was a fascinating study in fractals and crystals and swirls. You could spend hours making endless patterns on your etch-a-sketch. You had favorite books full of colors and rhyming words. You had the big box of crayola crayons. You and your friends played and skated and ran and climbed trees until exhaustion set in then you slept like newborns - deep, restful sleep.

Then you grew up and you had to do things. Things you didnt enjoy. Sometimes you had to do things for hours on end also to the point of exhaustion but you didnt sleep the same way after that. Frost on your window became a sign of the next days drive on icy roads. Traveling to another city turned into a calculation of how much money you would have to spend on gas. You really didnt play much any more. You didnt have time. You worried over the health and safety of your kids. You bought endless stuff trying to find enjoyment somehow in that new appliance or that new furniture or that new car. The enjoyment was short-lived every time.

You began to think you were consigned to a life of duty and drudgery and exhaustion. Financial difficulties and health issues and deaths of friends and relatives - continual irritation, disappointment and work conflict were the norm. You started to wonder why you were here and what was the point?

You must go back. You must remember the fun. You have to let in the sunshine. You have to be silly and laugh. You have to listen to the water lapping the shore. You have to look at that flower again. Really look. You have to make art and read books and enjoy things. Not appliances and cars and furniture - but your etch-a-sketch, your sketch books and your photo albums. You have to rest and relax and sleep well. Take your chalk and draw on the driveway.

You must go back. You left yourself back in that house where you grew up - on that street where you played with your friends. You must go back in time and find yourself. Keep the good stuff and discard the rest before you make the journey. Your true self is waiting for you. Go back now. Go find yourself.

My Christmas Lights

December 24th, 2014

I have a small Christmas tree - one of those three foot table trees - and I love it. Its a pre-lit tree although all those lights are dead so I just string regular lights on it now.

Before this tree, I had a regular-sized artificial pre-lit tree and I think it had four sections. The cords for the lights on that tree were tagged A, B, C etc. supposedly to help you figure out in what order to plug them in so at the bottom, the main plug would light every string. Do you think I could figure it out? There were two plugs near each other on every section. I would try every combination I could think of and invariably, one string would remain unlit. I would utter very un-Christmas-like words while trying to light that darn tree.

One Christmas when my son was home for the holidays, I asked him if he could try to figure it out. I had given up and there was still one section of the tree that was unlit toward the top. I figured since he is a computer engineer and extremely left-brained, he would be able to get all the correct plugs in the correct sockets. It even took HIM half an hour to figure it out. A friend of mine had the same tree and she said she would also regularly curse at it when trying to get it lit.

The last year I owned that tree, before the branches started falling out, I made sure to have one regular string of lights I could use to fill in the gap - I finally gave up trying to get the entire thing lit. Now, I just string a couple of regular light strings on this little one. The heck with the ones that are stuck to the tree.

Now I also have, on the opposite side of my living room, a wood platform and a wood stove. I dont use the wood stove, so I have a string of colored lights wound around the stove pipe in a spiral. I have another string under the lip of the platform draped like garland all along the base. I have that string secured with clear packing tape so you cant see the tape from a distance. I have used relatively long strips of tape, but do you think I can get this stupid string to stick? Every morning, I have to re-stick one section or another back to the hearth because it has fallen down onto the carpet. I dont want to put tacks in that platform, that would leave holes, so Im stuck (pun intended) with the packing tape. This morning, I gave each sticking point another dose of tape. Well see how long that lasts.

Have a wonderful holiday and my your lights always be lit!

Stupidity or Genius

November 23rd, 2014

I have always thought it would be easier to either be stupid or a genius. I am neither stupid nor am a I genius. I could really relate to the character Salieri in the movie Amadeus. Talented, smart, but really not spectacular in any way. Also smart enough to recognize brilliance and to feel small in comparison. Oh, I have a healthy ego and I know I do good work. Im also smart enough to pick up on social cues. I know when someone wants me to shut up about something or simply go away. I know what a glance across a table means or when someone is lying to me. I do not fall for scams. I speak well and without verbal crutches, such as um and you know, and Im generally well educated.

But (and its a big but), I cant make big decisions having to do with major shifts in my life. Im not brilliant enough to be able to see the outcome and its driving me crazy. I like comfort and anonymity, so stepping into a flood light is uncomfortable for me. Im also a plodder. I will stick with something until I know it well and do it well, but often when I do get to the point where I do something well, I dont know what to do with it from that point forward.

Many artists are actually painfully shy. When we are told our work is good, we a) dont believe it or b) think were better than the next guy. We often do not have the detachment necessary to really assess the work on its own merit no matter how much we know about lighting and composition. It becomes like judging your own children. Only you knew what it took to raise them and how much they struggled to become the adults they turn out to be.

If I were stupid, I would blindly and blissfully post image after image and feel proud of them and maybe wonder why the work doesnt get any attention. If I were a genius, I would immediately know if something is brilliant or a completely worthless piece of junk.

Instead, Im just smart. I look at something Ive created and say to myself well, thats crap or say, that really turned out well and I upload and take a chance that someone will like it as much as I do.

I am smart enough to know I am a good photographer. Way better, in fact, than I used to be. Being not stupid I have listened to critiques, studied and learned to really and accurately assess whats good and whats crap. There are still the occasional images I consider in Limbo, however. No matter how long I stare at them, I cant figure out if they are any good.

Now Im going through some life decisions that are affecting me in the same way. Am I making a mistake? Is this the right decision? This is where it would be easier just to be stupid and just forge ahead, or be a genius and understand in detail the consequences of my decisions.

I guess Ill just do the best I can with the brains I was given.

 

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