Stupidity or Genius

I have always thought it would be easier to either be stupid or a genius. I am neither stupid nor am a I genius. I could really relate to the character Salieri in the movie “Amadeus”. Talented, smart, but really not spectacular in any way. Also smart enough to recognize brilliance and to feel small in comparison. Oh, I have a healthy ego and I know I do good work. I’m also smart enough to pick up on social cues. I know when someone wants me to shut up about something or simply go away. I know what a glance across a table means or when someone is lying to me. I do not fall for scams. I speak well and without verbal crutches, such as “um” and “you know”, and I’m generally well educated.

But (and it’s a big but), I can’t make big decisions having to do with major shifts in my life. I’m not brilliant enough to be able to see the outcome and it’s driving me crazy. I like comfort and anonymity, so stepping into a flood light is uncomfortable for me. I’m also a plodder. I will stick with something until I know it well and do it well, but often when I do get to the point where I do something well, I don’t know what to do with it from that point forward.

Many artists are actually painfully shy. When we are told our work is good, we a) don’t believe it or b) think we’re better than the next guy. We often do not have the detachment necessary to really assess the work on its own merit no matter how much we know about lighting and composition. It becomes like judging your own children. Only you knew what it took to raise them and how much they struggled to become the adults they turn out to be.

If I were stupid, I would blindly and blissfully post image after image and feel proud of them and maybe wonder why the work doesn’t get any attention. If I were a genius, I would immediately know if something is brilliant or a completely worthless piece of junk.

Instead, I’m just smart. I look at something I’ve created and say to myself “well, that’s crap” or “say, that really turned out well” and I upload and take a chance that someone will like it as much as I do.

I am smart enough to know I am a good photographer. Way better, in fact, than I used to be. Being “not stupid” I have listened to critiques, studied and learned to really and accurately assess what’s good and what’s crap. There are still the occasional images I consider “in Limbo”, however. No matter how long I stare at them, I can’t figure out if they are any good.

Now I’m going through some life decisions that are affecting me in the same way. Am I making a mistake? Is this the right decision? This is where it would be easier just to be stupid and just forge ahead, or be a genius and understand in detail the consequences of my decisions.

I guess I’ll just do the best I can with the brains I was given.